Drake Responsible for Serena Williams’ Grand Slam Loss

tennis

Magic 8-ball says: It is most assuredly so.

By Uncle Blurt, Sports Editor

We here at BLURT would NEVER post content to our site purely to capitalize on trending topics, but sometimes we simply MUST keep up with the “in” crowd so our hipster cred isn’t compromised. Ergo, we have learned that urban star Drake is being blamed for tennis star Serena Williams’ stunning loss a few hours ago today at the U.S. Open at the hands of Italian Roberta Vinci, reports Mashable.

Say what?!?

As the tech site notes: “Drake was appointed the ambassador of his hometown team, the Toronto Raptors, in 2013, when the team was promptly wiped out of the 2013-14 season. When Drake supported the University of Kentucky Wildcats, he received a cease and desist letter from the team requesting that he stop attending their games.”

drake

Well, of course that all makes sense! Particularly since Drake and Williams are dating, right? No real man gonna let his bitch be mo’ important than he be, eh?

Apparently Drake is about to drop a new mixtape as well, and that makes us feel—aw, fergit it. This is all a charade. I don’t give a shit about Drake and his music, and I don’t give a shit about Williams and her Grand Slam quest.

Now, back to that Mets game I was watching…. Sucks to be a Cubs fan, by the way.

 

 

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