Letters from the Road: Bree Sharp

Guest Post this week from Bree Sharp (remember Bree?) whose new project with Outlandos darling Don DiLego, Beautiful Small Machines, came as a surprise to even them. It’s fun. It’s pop. It’s dance. Apparently, it’s even humpy. And they even got Simon Le Bon to hop in on it. No kidding. Take it away Bree…

Dear Closet Door Frame Humpers,

Although you may be humping the door frame of your closet, I am, however, referring to the clandestine nature of your habit, and not the location of it. You may be humping your closet door frame, your kitchen door frame, bathroom door frame, the door frame of your neighbor’s attic, or favorite local restaurant vestibule door frame; either way, you’re out there and you know what you’re doing. And i’ll tell you something…

I’m into it.

Big time.

So much so that I’m currently making a comprehensive documentary on the subject and using some of the footage for my next video.

Because I know that late at night, when Master Shake, Xander Crews, and Jan and Wayne Skylar have gone to bed… Or early in the morning when the first of five daily showings of “A Few Good Men” is starting to air on TBS… Or midday when you can hear Spanish radio drifting into your room from cars driving by four stories down as the first of spring’s breezes blows in… I know you’re thinking about it. Splinters be damned!

But you know, I’m not here to judge. I’m going gray and i still use Proactiv. So what can I say? It’s an imperfect world. However, I can share with you this:

So far my research shows that while little is known about you, DFH (Door Frame Humper) and your growing phenomenon, it is thought that the humping is not necessarily sexual in nature and is mostly executed while the humper is, in fact, clothed It is also thought that age does not play a role in determining who will be a DFH and that participants are reported to be as young as pre-adolescents and as old as nonagenarians. Duration of the hump seems to be indiscriminate as well and can last anywhere from a few seconds to several hours (although the latter is supposedly much more rare and thought only to be present among DFH’s who are single or unemployed).

My thought for today: research what the cow’s milk (that is meant to turn a 50 pound calf into a 400 pound cow in 60 days) is doing to your body. And then maybe ask yourself how much space you think one chicken needs from another chicken before they start pecking each other out of madness. And when the answers blow your mind, go hump a door frame. But you know, it’s just a thought…

For the DFH neophyte i’ve compiled the following small list of “Music- To-Hump-Door-Frames-To” suggestions: []

A Triple-A radio programming veteran, Kate has served as Music Director of the Loft at XM, Midday Host at WYEP, Evening Host at both WNCS and WUIN, as well as Content Supervisor for Pump Audio. Currently, she’s the CEO of Outlandos Music, a new-music discovery service for grown-ups. Kate has been nationally recognized for her ardent presentation of music and her ability to champion talented, compelling artists.

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