DMX Plays The Badass Card Again



Fool be buggin’ out
over a cafeteria food tray…


By Fred Mills


Earl Simmons, a/k/a rapper DMX, was sentenced to prison time in Maricopa County, Arizona, last month for various felonies,
including drug possession, felony theft and animal cruelty. It was only a
90-day sentence, however, which if you consider how strict the authorities can
be in Maricopa (home to both Phoenix and Sheriff Joe Arpaio’s notorious “tent
city” brand of incarceration), is what we call “gettin’ off with a wrist slap” –
by way of comparison, one of BLURT’s Arizona friends was convicted of DUI and
received more than 90 days.


But stupid is as stupid does, and DMX is not known for
making wise life choices. Ergo, he’s already tested the waters twice in a bid to see if he can rack up
yet more time in the slammer. According to a report at, the first
incident came on Feb. 8 when he “launched into a profanity-laced tirade”
against a prison supervisor stemming from his refusing to report for a work
assignment and to take his medication. Then Sunday he was booked on “suspicion
of aggravated assault charge” after he reportedly threw a food tray at a
corrections officer at the prison.


Well, at least all the other prisoners know he’s truly a badass now. Heaving a tray is
the new drive-by.


Somebody apparently forgot to tell DMX that the Bush era is
over and it’s time for everyone to grow up and act like adults. Maybe we’ll all
get lucky and he’ll do something even more counterintuitive that’ll net him 8
years and we won’t have to worry about the dumbass during the interim.



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