Courtney Love: “I am not suicidal”

Speaking of her
personal life of course… she disemboweled her career a long time ago.


By Fred Mills




“i am not suicidal,
occasionally very occasionally like all of us i get depressed, and that was
over a year ago and i had a mini little depression attack well big one, and the
Lanvin show made me happier, i don’t know quite why it happened but i find that
medication is not the answer to this, working out and doing daimoku ( chanting)
is as is yoga and eating correctly and i want some more high country Kombucha
tea i think that stuff is miraculous for glow and health. those things work far
better than this chemical culture of numbing our rage and numbing our pains and



That’s just one tiny excerpt from a barrage of blogging that
Nirvana widow Courtney Love has been posting the past week or so at her MySpace
. The “suicidal” comments have been picked up, naturally, by assorted media
outlets – it’s like leaving a sack of opened peanuts on a park bench, you KNOW
the squirrels will be all over that shit in a few minutes. So all of La Love’s
comments about wanting the media to back down notwithstanding (read the entire
blog), it’s all pretty transparent, coming from someone that clearly craves the
spotlight so badly and knows that the only way to do it at this point, with no
credible career in acting or music in the foreseeable future, is to continue to
play the role of professional whacko.


Love also added this tidbit: “basically im off blogging,” as if she wants the world to believe
that she’s finally been so exhausted by living a public persona she intends to
reel it all back in.


Not so fast: three days later (the above post was Nov.17)
she was at it again, and then again on Nov. 22, 24, 25 and 26, with a series of
video clips posted plus comments.


And then early this morning apparently either the Ritalin
wore off or kicked in, depending on you look at it, and she posted a marathon
5000-word Thanksgiving entry (we like the part about “vomit
vomit vomit ugh ugh ugh… i let that cretin touch my TITS? my majestic fabulous
even though it makes no sense at all) that we think is partly a list
of things she gives thanks for, but we’re not sure. We’ll copy it in full,
below, just because it’s impressive in its rambling scope and incoherent logic
even by Love standards.


Writes Love, in a moment of stark self-awareness, “my bandmates and producer and prodcution
manager my publicist who hates when i blog i dont blame him, i hate when i blog
, but i do it sometimes when i feel especially furious or ecsatic or both, i
just do,”
Well, it’s better than doing drugs or driving the wrong direction
on the freeway when you’re agitated, so this is good. And it keeps the rest of
us safe at home, glued to our computers too!



Enjoy! This has been a public service announcement… with






Friday, November 28, 2008


to paul westerberg for writing “Unsatisfied”
thankyou a million times,

1:48 AM


that performace/creepy men and theres plenty

well Northern Star was totally new to them but Micko has
golden fingers, and liams at my house ( actually theyre all at the old house
having turkey , idid my soup kitchen thing this morning my kids with her
grandma and im alone in malibu, they keep offering us to go back to the
ballroom house the one on vh1 that noone appeared to watch ididnt, itwas
harsh enough letting anyone into my house, let alone having some
“decorator” take credit for furnishing my house, no offense to
jaime but she knows she didnt decorate myt hosue i dont believe in decorators
i am one) and the other two you WOULDNT RECOGNIZE now i dont think youll even
know Samantha, its more “Spanglemaker” meets “This
Corrosion” meets that trent fuck you like an animal song meets a tad of
“Enter Sandman” cos one must always have the ability to open for
Metallica and have at least a shot at kicking major ass, so i really dont
mind that these songs as they were are up , they are now MASSIVE sounding,
utterly MASSIVE, Beinhorn has a crazy work ethic, he fucking WORKS man, HARD,
and hes Beinhorn, so if something is the slightest bit off tune and only he
can hear it, hes like a canine that way, maybe a wolf, only Micheal can hear
that ever so slightly wrong tone, but i know im getting the very very best of
myself and of him and of my band,


heres the thing, i just knew it wasnt right, without in any way stepping on
my gratitude to LP it wasnt right, just wasnt right, and i was in the car
ahhhthe Aston db90 i shoulve fucking bought, i lovethat thing, i thi nkAston
Martins are the only car that do NOT lose value when you drive em off the
lot, theres some suck ass 80s ones , but the 07 was perrrfect forever and
dammit i shall learn to drive one day, i figured if i couldnt learn in an
aston martin id never learn, i dont care so much that its a fancy car, or
whatever, just that its a beautiful car with a sexxxy ride, anywya was
listening to “OUT OF THE BLACK: off Neil Young and Crazy Horse RUST
NEVER SLEEPS< and realised its all true, Crazy Horse and Neil are a BAND,
he can play with whoever he wants to , but his Crazy Horse stuff is the best
best best of it – i also as an addendum thinkits a fucking miracle that hes
been playing “Old Black:” his Les Paul since the beginning of time
and noones stolen it, ahhh some guys have all the luck ( why do i love this
Pulp Song “Underwear” more than “Common People” “If
Fashion is your trade , then when your naked, i guess you must be
unemployed…” and i was listinging to Out of The Black really LOUD and
i KNEW it was all wrong,literally i got on the phone and booked a flight to
the UK , sadly i got stuck with this bogus loser Louie who has a Bank One
Credit Card on “my” ssn and HEH works for Ryan ” i dont know
who the fuck i am and i never ever will , but i break the sacred code of
artists not ripping off artists cos i get a perverse and sick thrill from
thinking possibly that my whol;e lifestyle is funded by “Kurt Cobains
Money” ” Adams Cantthink of 2 people who deserve each other more, i
like mandy moore what the FUCK was she THINKING? talk about a Dirty Vulgar
Nasty man. hes so uncomfortable in his own skin and so bileous and hateful
and like all wannabe Dylan imitators (He once told me with great hubris a
story of how Dylan “calls” him the “Kid” ummmm……id
have to make a wager there that Robert ZImmerman thinks about Liz Taylor more
than Ryan Adams, thats a private joke but actually its true, wierd long
private story, forget it, no do not ask, I keep secrets thats how come i
always get invited to the best parties, wether i go or not is a whole other thing,
im having a transition lately too, im sort of fashion unfriendly, oh not that
i dont want to slam into Lanvin and grab that last Chloe collection by the
balls and not that i dont have my Rick Owens stuff coming from Paris as
usual, but im in love with etsy, just go there and type in “Marie
ANtionette” or “Velvet Cuffs” “Lingerie” and dont
forgetthe HAnd of Fatima girls if you cant find them put in on tags
“crests” “jewelry” and youll see them soon enough, and i
love love love Boudouir Queen, shes inspired me to , after i flew her up[for
a totally mad crazed day havoc central, i ended up giving her loads of
beuatiful shattered vintage and victoriana, and go to Gibbous i
just got my box and i feel like a hot edwardian showgirl hoyden, ive found a
source for theatrical olde i mean Victorian , Edwardian showgirl outfits, and
im having a ball, walking arounf my house with my needle and thread and a top
hat on with BQs fabullous dresses, and learning how to Ombre my shit, you
have to create a pully, seriously, out of a wire hanger( i really do hate
them, wire hangers, they make all the netted victorian get rippy) with
Gibbous you can send your Forever 21 nonsense and theyll send you back
something genius, im donating a bunch to them as i cant see battered women in
bikinis i got in bangcock that i thought id get around to doing something
with someday, my Bangcock Bikinis are hysterical,. you can put in “edgar
allen Poe” and end up with “Annabelle Lee” or “The
Raven” as a pair of earrings, its a perfect community i just got a
beuatiful i think shes called blackbooks and she makes books and paper but
the leather she searc hes out has to be amazing witha story, my new lyric
book has as a cover a 200 year old saddle, and the altered books are amazing,
i got one for twilight, for my kid, she hasnt any desire to act, its just
cute she got offered that film and cool how she doesnt care a whit shes not
in it, when was the last time you listened to Pearly Dew Drops Drop?
Spanglemaker? or for gods sake “UNsatisfied” by the
replacements…….and i cannot recall ever writing that chorus to ‘Best
Sunday Dress’ but it is genius, i dont know when or how that got finished, i
mustve been in a bad phase, anyway, speaking of choking on his own
luminol,….sorry im nasty, i just have tried sending Ryan the 858,000
dollars ins tudio bills he owes me, and Nobu meals while Kurts sister was
getting her house refinanced illlegally for the 12th time and on that
occasion in a fraudelent bank account a bogus “entity” ( corporation
or llc) id never heard of they deliberatl;y made it so , i guess cos i fired
the psychopathic cunt, and she wanted to get Frannies trust fund to Comerica
to this crooked officer there Sonja Cochran, she made sure with Sonja that it
was bogus address the bills were going to, 123 reves apt d bh 90210, no such
place, so the inevitable was that Kim Cobains home was going to be reposessed
in 9 months or so while Ryan was slamming down sake Slurpees and jack and
Coke Big Gulps, i suppose he thinks that brings him closer to Kurt, what a
sick fuck, thats no better than my bio father, who goes on and on about my
“Olympic health and Genius IQ ” while boasting of his
correspondence with Charles Manson, maybe Bio Dad Ryan Barber and Louie
should just form a little troupe “we are psychotic” i loved his
patronising dismissive comment about the 858,000 of mine he stole to make
“rock and roll” he didnt do it alone but he was the artist. ”
a person who may or may not be …” what was it? “sane” heh,
im saner than hell ever be and gee , unl;ike him i havent touched heroin in
over ten years, but anyway, now that ive had my requisite slam on him, and i
may punch his gut if i see him cos would RYAN be such a pussy as to fucking
sue me? i was listening to Lucindas Genius “Little Rock Star”
wondering if it was about Adams, i bet he thinks it is, and hes in that
Americana world she allegedly inhabits, although shes a far far far more
brilliant artist than someone who should be confined to that genre, shes a
rock queen, a country goddess, you know the only song i like on LE Disastre
is sort of about Ryan actually, its called “Almost Golden” i dont
quite Know what its about, some people however loathesome, however
lizardlike, can inspire me, like i could NEVER write a word about that Gollum
, Barber, i tried just to get out of my comfort zone, and heres what came out
everything about you is gross
and i cant think of another word
vomit vomit vomit.
ugh ugh ugh.

i mean i pushed really really hard! but nothing c ame out just a stillborn ectopic
fried piece of gristle,. i let that cretin touch my TITS? my majestic
fabulous TITS? ( oh speaking fabulous tits, Pamela dropped by 3 nights ago ,
i think Liam got scared and hid she was with a CUTE hockey player, i never go
for sportos but i genuinly l;ike Hockey and he was well read and sort of an
intellectual sporto and he was built to play sports , in an adonis sort of
way, i did answer the door in arm warmers and a top hat and a cape that was
alleged to be Queen Victorias so im sure he thought mykrazy Krafty rock n
roll little beach house was nutso, im not sure i can stomach going back to
the ballroom house id rather just keep in the trajectory, NY next stop Uk,
atthe same time due to impeccable credit due to stealing mine back from
barber, oh he doesnt know it ive got great connections to bear Sterns and
Wamu these days, if he can buy 1466 Broadway a 300,000,000 dollar Times
Square building under the phony names of”Melissa and Russell
Melnick” using Frances’s and Kurts ssn’s via a hasidic real estate
developer named David Sitt who changed the tax on his “6 Times square
LLC” 9 times of variants and change those FEINS ( tax identity numbers)
3x each., and buy it witha 2 million dollar wamu loan from First American
Title , my new bff is the NE rep for fraud for First American Title, hes so
cute and nice to me and explains how i legally can obtain this credit a few
weeks ago, and through the NY state attorneys office, aha, but the fun part
will be garnishing the properties, the Courtney Philliganes ( phony name)
Christ St Cobain ( what do you think) Christi Cobain 221 robinson drive
Tustin ca

lorenzo cobain 1107 sycamore avenue Vista Ca ( none of these peoplea re real
people duh theres only 27 cobains in the us)
Dimas Cobain
13727 Laurrie lane Whittier Ca
Marilu Cobain
1531 peachtree lane
Yuba City California
Christi a cobain
2270 sierrra blvd
sacramento california
Christi B cobain ( heh that was smooth melissa)
2270 b ” “
James J Cobain
8454 mediterranean way ( same subdivision as christi a and christi b gee, and
theyre not even real people)
Jose Cobain
6916 Casa Grande way
Sacramento ca ( aha thats what all thiose CLS charters to Scaramento were for
appl;yinga tthe sec of states offices for phony entities and buying tracts on
Azoffs CLS deal! GENIUS)
Jose Cobain ( yeah cos Cobain and Jose work real well together)
7220 15th street
Sacramento ca
Juana Cobain ( it sounds like a Mexican name to me , you too? wait til you
see upstate NY and Jackson and Cherry Hill NJ and all the people who dont live
in these tracts being built and subdivisions, there are no latino cobains you
fucking idiots)
966 olive street
san bernadino ca 619 234 7380.
Miguel Cobain
( hee)
1441 camino del rio
san diego
225 Hyde street SF uh i lived on Hyde , yep, and theres no cobains in sf
anyway,. theyre almost all in Greys harbour,
691 O FARRELL STREET thats a fucking strip joint idiots,
but its gets better
869 Oak Street
funny when iuwas a kid i lived at 869 Oak Street…… gee ya think thatsa
Jeffrey T Cobain
1329 sandy way
sqauw vallley ca
Jeffrey M Cobain
204 winding creek rd
sqaUW valley ca
Carmen Cobain
29806 Fuesta Del Sol Via
Temecula CA
Carmen D Cobain
29806 Via Puesta Del Sol;

Temecula Ca ( theres no such things as typos in this bullshit alternate
Mortgage Fraud Universe justthe ones in my blogs and never ever about this
stuff not one of these peop;le exist you understand? itd be chinese to most
of you as to why they had to use the name Cobain, in a nutshell, because they
bought Tracts there in these subdivisions and as the years passedgot more and
more bold buying properties in SF Chi LA and NY and LOndon and Nice and
Majorca Spain, they had to show a Power of Attorney and a Trustee ship over
me, forged, and buy a property in my name, or Frannies name, alot of the time
they were just picking up huge wire transfers from comerica and city national
bank. from 62 accounts at the latter i didnt know about, and wanst allowed to
know abouit because CPA Nancy Gail Chapman in 1998 forged a Power Of Attorney
stating that ” i terminate all rights to terminate my relationship with
this bank its partners of anmy of its businesses” I terminate my right
to withdraw or deposit monies” “I terminate my right to have access
of any sort or obtain data regarding any entities monies or wires at this
bank its partners or other businesses electronically via comouter or letter
or email or in person” beaicsally she faked the most fucking SURREAL
document youll ever see, and since this is the

HISTORY…..thats it, learn it, love it, know it, cos after it breaks we wont
be having these little fire side chats, basically im just fucking with the
bad guys so they go apeshit and scatter after ive ALREADY obtained the
evidence NOW to put Nancy Lester Azoff Barber Zumwalt Mccourt- Karaban
Mathieson Hancock Cote O Banion Rowe Klee Blake SElvaggi and Rodriguez and
Cochran the fuck away, and throw Ryan on top of that pile for token traitor,
i dont know if theres enouigh to throw his ass in prison but he did know he
was spending my money, and hes a shit liar, and he knew Barber and Zumwalt
were commiting Mortgage Fraud oh im not forgetting Dave Lory trust me, that
fuckl took me for a straight 6 million, but id rather see Rosemary Carroll
see her day of Justice first,. i havent got the transcripts yet of how she
threw Kurts already dead body under the bus buit shes got no fucking room to
lie anymore about his NOTARISED AND VALID WILL< wich she benefitted from
calling “IN Testate” when it was not……. for SHAME on that
family, SHAME SHAME SHAME< the rest are criminals and psychopaths, entitled
narcissisists and Poison Dwarves, but Rosemarys Family was trusted and
beloved by ours and had i known that for 16 years shes been living with this
fist fucking she gave a dead boy who trusted her, id have fucking punched her
lights out, well shell see me plenty, cos noones spared in this and i should
be afriad to move to the West Village because i might see one of these fucks?

i blog about it because i cant sing about it.
and i get furious, ill make assloads more than they ever stole and flipped
and flipped again, assloads, but it doesnt excuse them from sytealing
380,000,000 demonstarable dollars,

anyway the unfortante Louie Mathieus whose as useless as a fucking trainwreck
and loves the sound of his own fucking voice as wellas being a common low end
thief is now Ryans Road manager and thats harmonious all is right if those
two morons are together in some owned by us,, Syracuese shithole. oops i mean
pout on the road with Oasis, im sure going down a reaL STORM, with oasis’s
audience every time, im going with Russell, wether he l;ikes it or not, and
no ill not punch that fuck at the Staple Center cos i dont feel like going to
court, yet again, he fucked me like a baby,. he should take it like a man,

and in all of this garbage, all of this shitstorm ive been able to make some
sense out of it all, i mean i even have a song about Coogie, i have a few
bits of songs about Coogie and thats not exactly a high point, it was quite a
fucking hi dee ho au revoir to blow, a certain pornographer/.hagiographer of
young drunken chicks showing thier tits whose made assloads off tits for free
gave a certain rockstars daughter, who happens to be a good girlfriend of
mine, i swear to god more drugs than ive ever seen and she handed them to
ME< so that was a wickedly insane romp, why oh why was it Alan Partridge
who was the lucky fella? cos he was there, i liked him fine,. id not seen
Partridge and wouldbt have cared if i had, i like people who can go the edge
of the fire and make themselves that odious , itsthe factthattheres no hope
for his soul that worries me, i was very fond of him, and for a second there
when my band started playing “Rock Me Sexy Jesus” when i came into
rehersal i held my head in my hands ///”oh dear GOD dont letthat movie
become some sort of phenom or cult hit or anything just lethim do saxondale
and thats funny as fuck and go be funny as fuck on tv in the uk and stop
being jealous as hell of Russell or Noel and just go away from my circle.

hes certainly not someone id punch, we actaully had a good insane but good time
and teh consequcnes were HORRIFIC, but you do the crime you do the time, so
ill take that one on the chin and i really shouldnt have said anything about
Owen and Him it was just something someone at “Us: magazine told me
about the daughter being around these hookers and pee/poo swingers, it upset
me greatly, Noone needs a sex addict for a dad, its embarassing 1 and creepy
2 my father is a sex offender in California but i loathe the guy, and he
cannot get anywhere near us, creepty men should be the name of this blog,
wait it IS<

most of my men my friends my lovers are by no means creepy whatsoever, in
fact they are lovely and beautiful , tender,Alpha, full of light and love,
brilliant, sweet, samurai, brave, honourable,.

my bandmates and producer and prodcution manager my publicist who hates when
i blog i dont blame him, i hate when i blog , but i do it sometimes when i
feel especially furious or ecsatic or both, i just do, and as far as lovers,
you dont know about them, you wont, so dont ask, i didnt getthe memo on being
indiscreet and i may drop a few fucking names but not about that part of my
life, i do too many sit ups these days and sqauts to blow it by spilling the
beans about who licks my legs, but put this way, should i remarry, and ive
thought about it, itll be in a bamboo forest quietly and with noone but my
closeet dearest friends and nary a photgrapher in the place, i didnt getthe
memo about big white weddings though i am obsessed with the bridal culture
inthis country,

now i need some muses the girls who design only for themsl;eves are always
making mistalkes, i dont want to discuss too much of what im up to, but i
think Gerard Depardiues Daughter is amazingly stylish in her “FUCK YOU
ALL” attitude, christ what was her name, id love to dress her, Melissa
AUf Der MAr, i love the idea of dressingher though my present sillhouette she
may find not narrow enough for her mermaidness,

i love Karen Elson and Melissas Friend Sarah ( Sophie) Flicker and their
whole Weimar Republic Citizens Band thing, i love Zooey Deschanel, and i
wonder what kind of “{Penny Lane” she would have made, i love
Scarlett whose a thousand times weirder smarter and cooler than you can
imagine, I love how MJ has Sofia and hed better have M E in that Rolodex of muses
in his brain, i LOVE L:OVE LOVE Daphne Guiness but shes got a closet full of
couture already, and PAmela has been swept up by Viveinne Westwood to wich i
say Cheers to the Dame now Pamela is so not going to wear your Gold Line but
I WILL< so can you send it my way/wp-content/photosPLEASE/wp-content/photos and ill happily wear your
curtains and sing your manifestos with Gusto! every Westwood show i see
leaves me drooling, but i go the little Gold Label store and its never made,
its very depressing, I also fell in love with Amanda Harlech, how can she do
that? make me want to dress her when shes had Galliano and now Lagerfeld, i
need a muse noones heard of but is my girl, i think ill look up i think Julie
Depardiue, i like how she is in her skin and i love Lindzay Way, from
M.S>I. she looks like a Rosetti, and plays bass like a motherfucker,
bottom line Panos is my muse and hes a BOY<

oooh i know Diablo Cody! shes got the requisite comfy in her own skin, she;ll
never wear half of what im making, but shes got a major statuesque power, i
want a girl who loves dresses and dressing and dressing exquisitely but with
some Sally Bowles and some Edwardian Lily Langtree to her, meat onthe bones
is crucial and a willingness to truly not give a shit, i would never make
something not totally sexy,.well first and foremost i am my own muse, and
theres a particlar crepe im having remade that hasnt beein production since
1948 youll love it, it was the lycra of the Titanic Teens, i think thats my
era, Upstairs Downstairs England Aesthetic Movement Rossetti Pre Raphealite ,
but a little after the too tight corset and when women had the vote , yep i
may buy Delphos Fortuny’s ( i now have 5) im not planning on repliacting THEM
or anything, but im learning alot fromn these etsy girls and people the same way i learnd alot from Rick and MARC
….and will always learn alot from them

okay now my 1st job is not doing Ombre dyeing in my kitchen but writing the
bridges with perfect phrasing so happy thanksgiving to you all except you
slimey bastards, from a Good buddhist to a bad person, i dont hope your
Turkey is rotten, it just willbe, cos thats Karma, i dont do terrible things
and thats all that matters really, i m,ake rock, and i hop eyou do too,
if dee plume is out there callme!!!! iwant you to hear this song!!!! your
going to die! of happiness, i promise.

i love my friends and am thankful for my health and my baby girl and my
friends and Panos and Cameron and ALan N, Ben Silverman and Eric F and Gwyn
KPM< and family and Scarjo and her ryan and B.M<> and E,HN<>
and Woodrow and Milos and Russell Matt Neal and Billy Bob and Sean and Mensch
Micko stu MB Whitemeyer Liam Linda P Moj ( well fix this shit) Jason T MARC
ALan Mcgee Noel Dee , Noel Ghallagher for makingme laugh 4 times this year
really hard, Bennioff for trying to undertsand me, did you fail? or succeed?
Ron M Donna M ALlie Shermuer Heather P, xxxxxx, Armond w, Lauren tayback and
hastings hope your both well Amanda Demme Stacy and Kerry and Billy Paul Ill
and CSS , Sarah Lewitton for that awesome file i finally unzipped, Conor
Oberst for being agreat poet and cute to look at, Missy Auf Der Mar for being
teh Duchess, Lanegan , Lucinda Williams and Stevie Nicks for ex=isting, J
MICHEAL STIPE because i love you so much, Julie P for teh same reason, Elton
and David, Daphne, Polly Morgan for making my bedroom weird, Eli Roth for
your parents and i hope your not getting a big head cosw im on the cover of
HEEB next month motherfucker, Brett Dammed Ratner for always being there,

allyou riot grrls who i just know are organising a way to get Kat Bjelland
off the street especially Kathjellen Hannah since you can use all that
Beastie Boys money that wasnt stolen to help her since you have millions and
millions and millions of dollars,

Rosie o Donnell and Whoopi Goldberg for making Television tolerable, i mea n
inthe morning cos im obsessed with the view, my girlcrishes Diablo and

and this is not an album plus i hatethank yous on albums,. Camerons d and c
for being good people and coming through for me on various important
occasions, and my sgi brotehrs and sisters especially David Miles,Lisa F and
Jonathan Garder and Matt Torrington DR Drew Stryker and Bob Forresst and
Loesha Tony and Warren for holding my and my families life togther, and the best
dammed band in the fucking world, mine.


i just wasted a decade on horrific men, i did an interview for Uncut with an
incredibely lovely woman l;ast night and she told me everyone wastes a
decade? is that possible?

no more horrific men just golden ones, not almost, golden, is all ive got
time for, and our fabulous 300 million dollar 257,000 sqaure foot salon well
all have

and thanks to adam and mike my secret heroes and jordanne and anyone ive
skipped oh fuck me Caitlain Moran and Chrissy Illey and emily…Mairead and
Tabitha, Lisa Moorish, Kim stewart, Kelly, Mosser, you devil you,

lachapelle and pam and claudio and Carrie,,,,,,,,smoosh. Schmiddy and my ex
landlord Ronnie and Heidi neitart and Caroline E. thanks so much both of you,for
teaching me about money and saving my ass all y all,

have a great night.






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