BLURT Managing Editor Runs For Prez

 

Tosses his porkpie hat into the ring in a
late bid for the highest office in the land.

 

By Blurt Staff

 

Silver Spring, MD: It’s
already being called this election’s October Surprise, according to a slew of
media outlets, including Fox News and The
Village Voice
: this week BLURT Managing Editor Fred Mills formally
announced a run for the President Of The United States. He’s running,
naturally, as the BLURT Party candidate, whose official motto is “40 Acres and
A Mule in Every Garage, Plus Some Pot For the Chickens.”

 

Citing an
“overwhelming disgust” in the political system following Joe Biden’s “craven
failure to ritually disembowel Sarah Palin and dress her like a moose” in front
of the cameras during prime time during Thursday night’s Vice Presidential
debates as his chief motivating factor, Mills has already built up an
impressive grassroots movement, as evidenced by this news clip.

 

“There’s an old
saying about politics and the American people: ‘We’re all bozos on this bus’,’ Mills
noted at a brief press conference held at the BLURT grand ballroom yesterday
morning. Pulling his hair back into a ponytail and stroking his peach fuzz,
Mills continued, “‘Well, not any more – I’m hijacking the bus and kicking all
the bozos off.”

 

Mills hasn’t picked
a running mate yet, but his short list reportedly includes Foo Fighter Dave
Grohl, funkmaster George Clinton and hockey mom Patti Smith.

 

 

 

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