Really, we don’t stay
up late thinking this dumb shit up – other folks do.
By Fred Mills
In the wake of the Bristol Palin (age 17) pregnancy story,
Barack Obama was unequivocal with his comments to reporters over the Labor Day
weekend, saying, “I have said before and I will repeat again, I think people’s
families are off limits, and people’s children are especially off limits. This
shouldn’t be part of our politics, it has no relevance to governor Palin’s
performance as a governor or her potential performance as a vice president. And
so I would strongly urge people to back off these kinds of stories.”
Fair enough. And really, who cares, except a bunch of dumb,
uptight, cracker Republicans who spend all their waking hours parsing the exact
millisecond of conception? What we at BLURT wanna know is: WHO ARE THE
HOTTEST-LOOKING KIDS IN THIS YEAR’S ELECTION?
We’ve already told you more than you need to know about John
McCain’s blonde, blog-o-riffic babe of a daughter Meghan McCain (see “Bloggin’
For Daddy,” July 24) – you’ve voted in our BLURT Poll about Meghan, right? –
although decorum, and probably a few federal and state laws, suggests we steer
clear of the Obama brood until they turn 18 (which won’t be anytime soon).
However, in a timely move, 236.com has a great feature running at the moment, “Inappropriate
Hottie Rundown: The Veep Kids,” in which the progeny of V.P. hopefuls Joe Biden
and Sarah Palin are rated in terms of, uh, hotness.
Writes 236, “It’s been a long eight years since the Gore
girls left Washington, and after a quick perusal it looks like both VP hopefuls
have at least a couple of rugrats that really know how to put the
“vice” back into Vice President.”
Needless to say neither Biden nor Palin fished in the wrong
gene pools when it came time to select mating partners, and indeed, you can’t
lie with DNA. Of the Biden boys, Beau comes out on top with 3.9 out of 4,
followed closely by bro Track (3.5) and with Hunter bringing up the rear (a
still-not-too-shabby 3). Ashley Biden, age 27, warrants a 3.8, according to
236. Meanwhile, over in the life-begins-BEFORE-conception Palin camp, Bristol only merits a 3.2
– booo! Not fair! There are several other Palins – all well under age – that 236
rates, so if you’re a pervert, feel free to read up on them.
This has been a public service – with guitars (and condoms).
poster by Brian Berrebbi – check him out HERE.