Dwarves Invade… Salt Lake City?






Despite pledging “I’m
not going to Salt Lake City,” Blag Dahlia and company did it anyway.


Blag Dahlia’s not the president,
so it’s no big deal if he goes back on his word. Like last weekend, when Dahlia
and his band—the notorious Dwarves—spent three days in Salt Lake City, a town
Dahlia hated so much he

      wrote a song about it


There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for you

Except the one thing that you want me to

We went across the mighty Rio Grande and

saw Disneyland and

the sea

you and me

But there’s one thing I’ll never do not even for you

I’m not going to Salt Lake City

There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for you

except to walk among the Osmond crew

I know you’re planning for a latter day and

 you can’t betray

what you know

in Provo

But there’s one less town on the globe and

if you must go there you’re going alone

I’m not going to Salt Lake City

even if they tell me I can stay

Even if they resurrect my brain

I don’t wanna go there

I don’t wanna go insane

I’m not pure and I’m not pretty and

I’m not going to Salt Lake City

I’m not living in Hello Kitty and

I’m not going to Salt Lake City


The band played Saturday night at
SLC’s Bar Deluxe and then Dahlia and the Dwarves’ masked guitarist
HeWhoCannotBeNamed played a 50-minute in-store at The Heavy Metal Shop. Word
among the locals is the band partied its collective ass off—and, as they say, all night long—after the Bar Deluxe
show, and Dahlia actually appeared to have a good time at the in-store, smiling
and cracking jokes, a few of them at the expense of the city’s conservative
reputation. But although he played a song that made fun of the hip hippie city
of Seattle, he did not play “Salt Lake City.”


At the in-store, anyway. Blurt’s sources say they did indeed play
the song at the Bar Deluxe show, but—curiously, given Dahlia’s outspoken
nature—without rubbing it in.


Blurt planned to ask about the visit after the in-store
performance, but Dahlia—who during the Heavy Metal Shop performance mentioned a
near-miss hook-up the night before—had a gaggle of Salt Lake City babes waiting
for him to say “Hello, kitty.” And clearly, he was very happy about that. Y’all
come back now, y’hear?


(Photo: Randy Harward)

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