Blurt Staffer Denies Getting Bit by Opossum at Walmart

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See if you’ll “bite” on this one….

By Blurt Staff

Over the past few days news of BLURT editorial staffer Barbi Martinez supposedly getting bitten by an opossum in the parking lot of the Walmart in the Raleigh, NC, Cameron Village shopping center parking lot shocked the state. According to LAist, the story was first reported by Daniel Matti, a manager at Raleigh’s Schoolkids Records (and, full disclosure, a BLURT contributor). Upon realizing that the “possum” was actually a cat with extreme mange that Martinez had just gotten at the local no-kill cat shelter and was simply brushing its matted fur, Matti took to the Schoolkids’ Facebook page, writing, “We at Schoolkids would like to formally apologize to Barbi Martinez, local Raleigh resident and former writer at Pitchfork media who was definitely not bit by a possum in our parking lot this afternoon,” noting that his original alarm that he posted read, inaccurately, “Barbi, we are taking this situation very seriously and are contracting a team to take care of the recent possum problem. We wish you a speedy recovery and hope you return to shop with us again soon.”

Martinez, reached at the BLURT office, laughed off the incident, but cautioned Matti about jumping the gun via social media. “In the words of William Shatner,” she stated, “Get a fucking life, dude. Go listen to, I dunno, some vinyl records or something. And I know my cat is ugly, but c’mon! A possum?!? WTF?”

In related news,  erstwhile Sonic Youth bassist Kim Gordon was NOT bitten by a coyote at the Whole Foods in Silverlake, and her former bandmate Thurston Moore was NOT stricken with the 7-year itch during their joint tenure in the group….

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