WHAT A PAIR Blurt’s Fantasy Team-ups

Who would you like to see collaborate? Here
are our suggestions.

 

BY RANDY HARWARD.

 

Last year, when Pete
Yorn and Scarlett Johansson made a record together
– titled, counterintuitively
enough, Break Up, we thought to ourselves, Really? We can do better
so we did. Or at least in our minds we did. Several times, in fact. See what
you think, and add your own suggestions in the comments section below.

 

Ben Gibbard and… Colin Meloy!

Can you pick ‘em
out, above? It’s not just that with the Death Cab For Cutie frontman being
based in Seattle and the Decemberists‘ singer-songwriter in Portland, arranging
a summit would be a snap, logistically. It’s their mutual affinity for lyrical
flights of fancy, and a couple of voices that, when twinned, would sound as
mellifluous as the Everly Brothers. Or the Barbi Twins, take your pick.

 

Katy Perry and…
Quentin Tarantino!

He’d make her into the hottest lezploitation star ever in
their first video. She’ll kiss all those girls, blow a few of ‘em away, and
ride a fuckin’ white tiger while tossing Chinese stars at approaching suitors. Music?
You really need some?

 

Denzel Washington and…
Black Merda!

Denzel needs to loosen up, and these Detroit cats are just the band for the job.
They can team up in a Hanna Barbera cartoon, get all Scooby and Doo together. Naw, that sounds
gross. Denzel in Black Merda, that is.

 

Freddie Mercury and… The
moustache guy from the Village People!

Yes, it’s easy – the gay/moustache thing. But can’t you just
see these two leather daddies singing “Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go”? Or maybe
just on a game show, where contestants have to tell the moustache from the
Great Dane turd.

 

Dethklok and… CNN’s
Glenn Beck!

Dethklok’s brutal Metalocalypse would provide the perfect score to this extra-greasy partisan doughboy’s
theatrical rants. And someone has to die at every Dethklok show, anyway. It’s just
handy. Oh, and CNN and Adult Swim are both under the Turner umbrella. Hear
that, Teddy? Come on, man. Throw us some bones.

 

Devo and… Drew
Barrymore!

They already were paired up when Barrymore asked Devo’s Mark
Mothersbaugh to score her film, Whip It!,
but she fired him when he got snippy over her repeated studio cancellations.
But you know, sometimes vapidity and competence equals chemistry (see Yorn,
Johansson). And Mothersbaugh can whip Barrymore onstage every night of the
tour. That’s karma, baby.

 

Christina Aguilera
and… Bigelf!

Oh, wait. That actually happened. Maybe Alicia Keys? She already digs ‘em. Either they really are the coolest band alive, or there’s some
sinister plot to bridge the gap between fans of mainstream pop and far-out
psychedelic prog-rock-who knows to what ghastly end.

 

 

 

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