In which the rapper
confronts something really fucked up.
By SHUNDA K.
The most fucked up thing I have ever seen is how parents
verbally and emotionally abuse their children, which leads to low self-esteem
and insecurity, which can turn into teens harming themselves and contemplating
Abuse is any behavior that is designed to control and
subjugate another human being through the use of fear, humiliation,
intimidation, guilt, coercion, manipulation, etc. Emotional abuse is any kind
of abuse that is emotional rather than physical in nature. It can include
anything from verbal abuse and constant criticism to more subtle tactics, such
as repeated disapproval or even the refusal to ever be pleased.
Emotional abuse is like brain washing in that it
systematically wears away at the victim’s self-confidence, sense of self-worth,
trust in their own perceptions, and self-concept. Whether it is done by
constant berating and belittling, by intimidation, or under the guise of
“guidance,” “teaching”, or “advice,” the results
are similar. Eventually, the recipient of the abuse loses all sense of self and
remnants of personal value. Emotional abuse cuts to the very core of a person,
creating scars that may be far deeper and more lasting than physical ones. In
fact there is research to this effect. With emotional abuse, the insults,
insinuations, criticism and accusations slowly eat away at the victim’s
self-esteem until they are incapable of judging the situation realistically.
The person becomes so beaten down emotionally that they blame themselves for
the abuse. Their self-esteem is so low that they cling to the abuser.
Emotionally abused victims can become so convinced that they
are worthless that they believe that no one else could want them. They stay in
abusive situations because they believe they have nowhere else to go. Their
ultimate fear is being all alone.
I can relate so much to this and have endured much
emotional, even physical abuse at the hands of my grandmother, growing up as a
kid. My grandparents raised me because my mom was strung out on drugs and my
dad was around only when he had time, which was very rare.
I’m not sure why my grandmother was so harsh to me, but the
only conclusion that I could draw, now that I’m all grown up, is that she was
raised the very same way. She has told me many stories about how her parents
raised her and her siblings and how they never had a chance to go to school or
have a childhood because they had to work in the fields from sun up to sun
My grandmother came up during the time of sharecropping
(where former slaves used the land of former slave masters to farm in return
for 50% of the crop), so they never had a life outside of work. And, with my
grandmother, I believe there was much resentment and animosity built up due to
these facts, and so, what other way to express herself aside from the way she
was raised and brought up.
I can remember many times being cussed out because I was on
the phone all day or wanted to go somewhere. During my childhood, I was always
into athletics and, when it came time to be picked up from practice, I had to
walk home many nights because grandma felt like it was a waste of time.
Once a person inflicts verbal and emotional abuse for so
long, the next thing will be physical abuse. My grandmother didn’t mind beating
my ass and would use anything she could get her hands on. I was genuinely
afraid of my grandmother and always sought to please her, but it seemed like
the more I tried the less she was satisfied.
What finally pushed me over the edge and made me leave the
situation was when I graduated from high school (with honors may I add) after
being told I would never be shit. I earned an academic and athletic scholarship
One day I came home and my grandmother always had a thing of
opening everybody’s’ mail. On this particular day, my grandfather gave me an
envelope from my financial aid that had been opened and my check cashed (my
name was on my grandmother’s bank account so she could cash checks in my name,
etc.). With my money, they went to the dog track and spent my damn money
After everything I had to endure coming up in school, with
no support, after all the hard work I had put into being who I had become, they
felt like they could just cash my check and give me the excuse that they’ve
been raising me all these years and so I shouldn’t have shit to say about what
they do with my money. That was all I needed to step out on faith and keep it
In my life, I had always felt alone. I was terrorized in
school because I didn’t have the name brand clothes and with no support at
home, when it came to everything I aspired to do, I had to do it on my own. Of
course, it was a very lonely road, but if I didn’t do it for myself, no one
else was going to.
So, I’m here today, standing strong, though my faith in God,
to let each and every one of you know that you too can make it out of any
drought you find yourself in. Life is worth living and just because someone is
in your life, making it a living hell, that’s no reason to end it.
As I mentioned before, it’s hard to leave an abusive
relationship, but if you don’t, the consequences could very much be death. You
have to encourage yourself and keep it moving no matter how hard it may seem.
To be free is definitely a gift from God and if you’re
dealing with people in your life that are only tolerating you and not
celebrating you, you need to stand up to them (give them a piece of your mind)
and keep it moving to a healthier environment, even if you have to stay in a
Now and days, my relationship with my grandmother is a
strong one because I stood up to her and let her know that she wasn’t going to
talk to me like that anymore. It took me a few times saying this, because any
habit is hard to break. But, she now recognizes me as a human being that she is
no greater than.
In conclusion, God is love and no matter whom you are and
where you’ve been in your life, the people you surround yourself with need to
exhibit this love. Life is what you make it. Take charge of your life and love
yourself enough to accept nothing less than the best!
Shunda K.’s new album The
Most Wanted is out now on Fanatic
SHUNDA K – “I’M DA BEST (FEAT. SHON B)”
YO MAJESTY – “PARTY