BLURT CATFIGHT! Jemina Pearl vs. Hayley Williams

Which one of these Southern belles can stir up the most
shit? We do the math for ya.

 

BY A.D. AMOROSI

 

To say that the South has done
it again by finding two punk rock peaches in Jemina Pearl, and, yes, Hayley Williams
of Paramore, may seem a strange comparison.

 

One is poppy and fun and the
other is raw powered and brusque. But which one is which? You’d be surprised
how the platinum swilling Williams and the Pet-able Pearl match up. No matter who sells more
records, let the best lady win.

 

***

 

Who rocks a tank top better?

Williams looks snazzy in BOY
of London
spandex tops – zebra prints in particular. But nobody wears a good old
fashioned Haines white wife beater like Pearl. Bet she
looks great in men’s boxers too.

 

Who’s got the better bangs?

Pearl has the boyish dirty blonde shaggy thing going with
just a hint of feathering in the front. But if you want that jagged
asymmetrical slash and don’t feel like hanging with (or listening to) Lady Gaga
you gotsa get with Williams.

 

Least worried about gaining weight?

No two women in power pop’s
current crop are slenderer and lovelier than Pearl and Williams. But. If you had to figure
one that could indeed walk between raindrops after eating a deep fried watermelon,
Pearl all the way.

 

There are downsides to all
this, too.

 

The girl most likely to…

 

Say “fuck you” and throw
things at you during a fight? Williams.

Say “fuck you” and throw
things at you, your family and your car windows? Pearl.

 

Wind up on a televised celebrity
competition? Williams.

Wind up suffocating from tight
pant strangulation? Pearl.

 

Become the next Pat Benatar? Williams.

Become the next Courtney Love?
Pearl.

 

***

 

Match to – Pearl! But just by a whisker. Meow!

 

 

 

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