One Lousy Lay: “Every Rose” Book

 

Are you looking for a
man, or looking for the patience to wade through 320 pages of stupidity? Or
both? Good luck!

 

By A.D. Amorosi

 

Not being too terribly adverse to dating columns (especially
on a site so smartly cranky as Nerve.com) I didn’t think a humorous book with a
rockist theme from “Miss Information” would be bad.

 

That said, if Every
Rose Has Its Thorn: The Rock ‘n’ Roll Field Guide to Guys
(Tarcher/Penguin),
written by Erin Bradley and illustrated by Heather Bradley, were a romantic interlude,
it’d be one lousy lay.

 

Having zip to do with awesome Bret Michaels’ tawdriest
ballad, ERHIT, is a gals-eye-view at
lovesick relationships through the lens (chapter headings) of the pop
continuum. At first, it’s a harmless read where you get to code the people in
your life and find their rock-punk-hop correlative. If you meet an older man
who loves shopping for the finer     
things and hates showing up alone to tony office functions (as opposed
to theater events) you’ve met a “Mr. Big Stuff” (think Mark McGrath – really?!)
in Bradley’s estimation –  as opposed to
a decider, a “Father Figure” (who’d be, in Bradley’s eyes, a Bruce or, yup, an
Ozzy).

 

From that standpoint, you’ll find a slew of occasionally
clever, even insightful, quizzes and true life renditions of love’s slipperiest
slopes and how to find them.

 

Most of the time, though, you don’t find enough to fun or
fact or relatable escapades to warrant reading even the shortest paragraphs.

 

s he a “Boy with a Thorn in his Side” ( a cuddling mope), a
“Mr. Roboto” (icy nerd) or a “Johnny B. Goode” (political on social networks)?
Are you a woman who is more apt to love a sex god (I guess) Mötley Crüe manqué,
or are you laid back enough to get with a Beastie Boy?

 

And do you have the time or patience to go through all this
stupidity? That’ll truly let you in on what kind of person you’re dating –
something for another book entirely.

 

 

 

 

 

Leave a Reply