Takin’ that house
party concept to the logical, glorious conclusion… no cat piss, though, please!
By Fred Mills
Carla Bozulich, late of the Geraldine Fibbers and currently
fronting Evangelista, is hitting the road as the opening act for Xiu Xiu — the
tour is dubbed, somewhat cheekily, the “Monsters of Merch Tour” because the
bands predict that if they don’t move some serious swag this time out they
won’t even break even. And that would suck. We don’t need to tell you that low
club guarantees, combined with the price of fuel these days, ain’t doing
touring groups any favors…
Anyhow, the tour dates are below.
Meanwhile, Bozulich just announced she’s hatching a scheme
along the lines of “help us entertain you.” Read on – sounds like a winner to
us. Especially the part about having a song written about you. Contact her at
CarlaBozulich.com (email: email@example.com)
because you know you’ll be glad you did.
We have this
experience experiment in the works where we will hire our sorcery out to
our fans, friends, and colleagues. and
here it is:
For the cost
of us traveling plus $100 for each band member, Carla Bozulich’s Evangelista
will play for at least an hour at your birthday party,
graduation, funeral, going away party, existential malaise, exorcism, body
aches, muscle soreness, clean/sober birthday or anniversary celebration,
decapitation, wedding, art opening and closings, dance party, magazine,
store or yacht launchings, cult-removal, viking funerals, removal of
orthodontic contraptions and/or root canal, chili cook-off, catcentrics, bat
mitzvah, pet lizard funeral, et cetera.
this fee we will also:
a song especially for you and your friends. Really. you give us a
topic and one to five keywords.
and perform any one cover song of your choosing, or any request from
back catalog, that is under six minutes in length. totally fine to request
songs we have never heard, just send us the mp3. please be prepared for
any song to sound completely different from what you are used to.
you one mix-tape made just for you from EACH BAND MEMBER. yes! for you to rock on your cd cassette deck or laser dot all night
long. Hours of grooves and drones and things you can smell with your ears.
4. eat a
bunch of your snacks
5. speak in a
language that only we understand— frequently, accidentally and without
warning, especially while we set up, eat and break down our equipment.
6. if, for
instance, you and all your friends (you’re gonna need friends to get all this
cash together) just like screeching gargantuan feedback and vacuum cleaner
sounds ONLY or if maybe you’re getting married to a shy muppet or getting over
ear canal reversal surgery and you’d like us to do quieter songs with not much
cursing on your great aunts’ 102nd birthday, we will take it as a fun
challenge. if you’re into all improvised/specially devised shows, it is my
forte and it will be a pleasure. whatever. we’re easy
7. if you
want to do this but you want to do it at a club in your town, that’s totally
possible. we need to have all the same things end up in all the same places,
but we can arrange things with a venue to make this a special nite or day.
is a bitch.
2. we need two or 3 hotel rooms, or a righteous house with beds
and couches to sleep on and clean towels. no incense, hard drugs, cigs or
potpourri, or cat piss, please.
3. you need to supply a PA with reverb! we will show up in time to set it up
with you and make the sound nice before people arrive.
4. we need cool foods
5. if things turn ugly we’re outta there ie: hard drugs or listening to U2
note: even if
you are not located along a good route for us, please email us anyway.
if you rock the plane tickets and the amps and stuff, we will be
discount if you have cats and can prove it. double discount if your pet is a
stray or rescue!!!!!! double again discount if your pet comes with a great pet
Bozulich/Evangelista Tour Dates (opening for Xiu Xiu):
aug 14 @ Echoplex, los angeles, california
aug 15 @ casbah, san diego, california
aug 16 @ solar culture, tucson, arizona
aug 19@ tequila jungle, lubbock, texas
aug 20 @ mohawk, austin, texas
aug 21 @ Orange Show Center for Visionary Art, houston, texas
aug 22@ bottle tree cafe, birmingham
aug 23 @ drunken unicorn, atlanta, georgia
aug 24 @ milestone, charlotte, north carolina
aug 25 @ sonar, baltimore, maryland
aug 26 @ living room providence, rhode island
aug 27 @ paradise boston, massachusetts
aug 28 @ bowery ballroom, new york cty
sept 11 @ empty bottle, chicago (WIRE FESTIVAL – w/Keiji Haino)
sept 13 @ bottom of the hill, san francisco…